Today, I broke down.
I cried uncontrollably.
I'm okay with admitting it. This happens to all of us at one point in time.
We always dream of life changing events. "One day, I'll have enough money to move out of here."
"I'm getting married in 6 months."
"Retirement is just around the corner."
Others dread life changing events. I conversed with 2 men today that were cut down both physically and mentally. I kept thinking, this could very well happen to me, or to any of the other people that I've been talking to lately. It happened to them, and it sucks.
One guy told me this, "Infections spread fast. Amputated at my hips. Lying here in bed looking at a flat blanket where my legs used to be. I have no stumps even for prosthetic sockets. It is horrible. They had me in a wheelchair and in the hall and lobby today to get me out. I saw myself in the mirror, it was difficult. In the lobby people stared at me. I was diagnosed Type 1 6 weeks ago."
Around the same time that this man was diagnosed, I was having serious issues with my feet. I had a really bad fever which caused painful water blisters to form under my skin on the bottoms of my feet. I couldn't walk without being in a lot of pain. My mind immediately went to amputation. I had to wait 3 days for my doctor's appointment and during that time I was expecting the worst. I remember crying on the phone at the thought of not being able to run around the yard with Parker or not being able to help Kristin out with a long hospital recovery. It is a very serious thing for diabetics. In the span of 3 days, this man had the start of an infection and his legs taken from him. 3 DAYS! Eventually I saw my endocrinologist and she said it wasn't anything diabetic related. I was relieved. Even though the water blisters are gone, when I wake up in the morning, I still feel a little sting on my feet when they touch the floor, nerve damage.
A different amputee that I talked to today said that his infection started, he waited a week until his toes were black and went in. The doctors first took his toes, then realized it spread to his leg, mid shin. He went back under and is now living with this new change. I was reading up on the events leading up to his amputation.
In all the years I've been diabetic, I've tried to hide from the horrors that diabetes can give to a person. Unfortunately, during that time, I've also neglected to treat the disease the way it should have been treated. I'm praying with all my might it doesn't come back to haunt me. Since then, I've been a better diabetic. Constant checking of sugars and treating when necessary. I've been working out and trying to stay stress free. I'm not surviving the disease, I'm controlling it so I can live with the disease.
As I was talking with this guy who had his legs taken, I could hear the shock, the disbelief, and the shame in his voice. I was able to lighten the mood with him and get his mind off of things. He told me that he appreciated my humor and inspiring him. I'm definitely not tooting my own horn, but I gave him advice that I've had to learn the hard way with being a diabetic. Unfortunately, I've only recently figured this out for myself. I'm just glad that the Lord gave me an opportunity to help this man. This is what I told him:
"People will look, but probably wondering what happened. You should come up with a cool story like an alligator had you in a death roll. You decided to give it your legs for an appetizer but the main course was to go. Also, you don't have to worry about blisters, stubbing a toe, getting your shin slammed into anything. I'm trying to find some positives out of this. Obviously it's okay to mourn the loss of limbs and not be okay with it. Finding the mindset to rise above and to continue on is going to be hard but when you are there, you'll be okay. With this disease we are survivors. It certainly takes stuff from us, but we don't let it take us down.
It shouldn't be embarrassing. And, don't let yourself put words on how people look at you. That won't help. You are still YOU. Just because you don't have your legs, doesn't mean your personality, beliefs, and worth are gone. You are another survivor with scars to prove it. This disease could've killed you, but you rose up to it and gave it a resounding middle finger. Don't let the stares stop you from being the man you are.
Just remember, it's easy to focus on the negative. Challenge yourself with finding the positives. It may not be the biggest thing, start little. For instance, you are still alive today, and you don't have to worry about athlete's foot. Smiling will always help."
It wasn't easy trying to be light hearted around this guy. Trust me, I was holding back tears trying to help him out. I'm glad I wasn't in the same room as him, to be honest. Although I wish I could give him a hug and tell him everything will be okay.
Like these 2 guys, this disease has almost taken my life as well. We rise above because we won't let it drown us out. Pray for these guys and for anyone with any sort of disease. Count the blessings you have been given, and don't take them for granted.
I'm going to go for a run.
I cried uncontrollably.
I'm okay with admitting it. This happens to all of us at one point in time.
We always dream of life changing events. "One day, I'll have enough money to move out of here."
"I'm getting married in 6 months."
"Retirement is just around the corner."
Others dread life changing events. I conversed with 2 men today that were cut down both physically and mentally. I kept thinking, this could very well happen to me, or to any of the other people that I've been talking to lately. It happened to them, and it sucks.
One guy told me this, "Infections spread fast. Amputated at my hips. Lying here in bed looking at a flat blanket where my legs used to be. I have no stumps even for prosthetic sockets. It is horrible. They had me in a wheelchair and in the hall and lobby today to get me out. I saw myself in the mirror, it was difficult. In the lobby people stared at me. I was diagnosed Type 1 6 weeks ago."
Around the same time that this man was diagnosed, I was having serious issues with my feet. I had a really bad fever which caused painful water blisters to form under my skin on the bottoms of my feet. I couldn't walk without being in a lot of pain. My mind immediately went to amputation. I had to wait 3 days for my doctor's appointment and during that time I was expecting the worst. I remember crying on the phone at the thought of not being able to run around the yard with Parker or not being able to help Kristin out with a long hospital recovery. It is a very serious thing for diabetics. In the span of 3 days, this man had the start of an infection and his legs taken from him. 3 DAYS! Eventually I saw my endocrinologist and she said it wasn't anything diabetic related. I was relieved. Even though the water blisters are gone, when I wake up in the morning, I still feel a little sting on my feet when they touch the floor, nerve damage.
A different amputee that I talked to today said that his infection started, he waited a week until his toes were black and went in. The doctors first took his toes, then realized it spread to his leg, mid shin. He went back under and is now living with this new change. I was reading up on the events leading up to his amputation.
This is very much censored, you not only get to see what is on the mind of everyone with this disease, but most of all, the person who has to have this procedure.
"I need prayers now, bad. hella scared. I'm getting took to surgery now I'm sooooo scared plz pray for me this is messed up."
"good news I didn't die in surgery the bad news in true diabetic fashion they amputated all 5 toes on left foot"
"day before yesterday on Tuesday they cut my toes off of my left foot now they're saying this infection is trying to shut down my heart and now my leg gotta go and that might save my life smh"
In all the years I've been diabetic, I've tried to hide from the horrors that diabetes can give to a person. Unfortunately, during that time, I've also neglected to treat the disease the way it should have been treated. I'm praying with all my might it doesn't come back to haunt me. Since then, I've been a better diabetic. Constant checking of sugars and treating when necessary. I've been working out and trying to stay stress free. I'm not surviving the disease, I'm controlling it so I can live with the disease.
As I was talking with this guy who had his legs taken, I could hear the shock, the disbelief, and the shame in his voice. I was able to lighten the mood with him and get his mind off of things. He told me that he appreciated my humor and inspiring him. I'm definitely not tooting my own horn, but I gave him advice that I've had to learn the hard way with being a diabetic. Unfortunately, I've only recently figured this out for myself. I'm just glad that the Lord gave me an opportunity to help this man. This is what I told him:
"People will look, but probably wondering what happened. You should come up with a cool story like an alligator had you in a death roll. You decided to give it your legs for an appetizer but the main course was to go. Also, you don't have to worry about blisters, stubbing a toe, getting your shin slammed into anything. I'm trying to find some positives out of this. Obviously it's okay to mourn the loss of limbs and not be okay with it. Finding the mindset to rise above and to continue on is going to be hard but when you are there, you'll be okay. With this disease we are survivors. It certainly takes stuff from us, but we don't let it take us down.
It shouldn't be embarrassing. And, don't let yourself put words on how people look at you. That won't help. You are still YOU. Just because you don't have your legs, doesn't mean your personality, beliefs, and worth are gone. You are another survivor with scars to prove it. This disease could've killed you, but you rose up to it and gave it a resounding middle finger. Don't let the stares stop you from being the man you are.
Just remember, it's easy to focus on the negative. Challenge yourself with finding the positives. It may not be the biggest thing, start little. For instance, you are still alive today, and you don't have to worry about athlete's foot. Smiling will always help."
It wasn't easy trying to be light hearted around this guy. Trust me, I was holding back tears trying to help him out. I'm glad I wasn't in the same room as him, to be honest. Although I wish I could give him a hug and tell him everything will be okay.
Like these 2 guys, this disease has almost taken my life as well. We rise above because we won't let it drown us out. Pray for these guys and for anyone with any sort of disease. Count the blessings you have been given, and don't take them for granted.
I'm going to go for a run.
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