I'm not sure if you have heard of the book For One More Day by Mitch Albom; but most people will tell you that when I talk about my favorite books or authors, this one comes up in the conversation. There are few books that bring tears to my eyes, that make me want to take action so quickly, and also, allow me to see the blessings in my life. There are five separate quotes I want to focus on, but before I do that, I'll provide some background info. The book is about Charles "Chick" Benetto. Chick is a baseball player who finds it hard to forgive himself, he finds himself at the end of the rope and he decides it's best to take his life. He, eventually, discovers that he is back at his old house, seeing his dead mother in front of him, as a ghost. Through his conversation with her, he seeks to understand ways to find peace by realizing what a mother's love truly is.
"But there's a story behind everything. How a picture got on a wall. how a scar got on your face. Sometimes the stories are simple, and sometimes they are hard and heartbreaking. but behind all your stories is always your mother's story, because hers is where yours begin."
We can sit here and trace back our timelines; we can say how cool it is how we got to where we are and the paths that led us here, and how you can trace it all back to birth. Then you can track your parents' whereabouts and how they met, so on and so forth. When you really think about it though, it's amazing the paths God sets out for us and how, by his design, we reach that destination sooner or later. My personal stories are my own, but there is the upbringing I had that helped shape them. Without a loving mother or father, how different would I be? My mom, on and off, did the stay at home thing, and now that I'm a father of 3, I will let her know that I am sorry for anything I did to her when I was a child, because I now understand. She put up with a lot from us kids, and sometimes we gave her too much and had to wait until Dad got home. Not once did I ever witness her being unkind to us, loving us less, or giving up. She powered through our tantrums, obstinate mindsets, and sometimes severe unkindness. I'm sure the sleepless nights, worrisome hours, and her questioning how she could do better, weighed her down, but she never gave up. She took us to the pool on hot summer days, kissed our heads when we cried to her, and related her stories to us when growing up was too complicated.
Quoting the phrase that is all too often said, "But that's what a mother does.", I think there needs to be a breakdown of this saying. My mom didn't do these things because my dad was working and someone needed to take care of us. I mean, she did, but it was her love for us that drove her to keep doing it. To sacrifice her time away from a job, schooling, or hobbies, so that we could have a fulfilled upbringing with a mom there to guide us along the way. My mom didn't do that just because that's what a mother does. I have seen plenty of moms not stand up and be what my mom was to us. A mother's love is selfless in so many ways. I see that in my own wife as well.
I remember having a conversation with my wife about what we do when we get home. I made mention that I immediately go upstairs and change out of my work clothes into something I can lounge around the house in. She looked at me and said, "My focus is on the children and what they need right away." Now, she wasn't saying this to make me feel bad, although, let's face it, I didn't feel like dad of the year, but that's what a mother does. She doesn't focus on herself right away. She makes sure her children are taken care of, then, if there is time, focuses on herself.
Things I've witnessed my mom do because she loves us.
My mom would bring us to the library when we were kids and I would check out either Garfield comic books, sketching books, snake books, or books on how to make crafts. When we would get home, sometimes she would sit down and help us work on some of the crafts. I remember her bringing out her sewing machine and teaching us how to make puppets out of socks, and creating pillows with fabric and filling.
Things I've witnessed my wife do because she loves our kids.
My wife is an avid reader. I'm pretty jealous of that actually, because I want to be, but I have ADHD when it comes to my hobbies. I'll tinker here and there on an art project, song on guitar, watch movies, or bike. My wife seems to keep it simple, maybe because with 4 boys in the house, she needs to have some sense of stability in her personal time. Anyways, she has always loved buying books and reading to the boys. It's incredible to watch her and the boys get lost in a book together.
"I also believe that parents, if they love you, will hold you up safely, above their swirling waters, and sometimes that means you'll never know what they endured, and you may treat them unkindly, in a way you otherwise wouldn't."
There are 3 specific moments I wish I could take back from my childhood. As a child, you don't fully understand the things that a parent is going through, I mean, if you are oblivious to it, maybe your parents are doing a great job protecting you from that situation. The first specific moment I wish I could take back was when my Dad was working multiple jobs and possibly attending college (I think I am right on that.) and I can't fully remember the conversation, but my mom had replied that I should wait until my Dad gets home to do something with him, and my immediate, snarky, reply was, "Yeah, if he's ever around." This memory has always plagued me. My Dad was doing all he could to provide for us, and in my simple mind, I thought of him as someone who just wasn't around. I'm sorry, Dad.
The second thing I wish I could take back was one time I was sent to my room. I was a little bit older than the previous memory, and I was so angry at my mom and I said some really disrespectful things to the point that my mom slapped me across the face. Now, before the internet blows up and calls for my mother's head. I deserved it. I 100% deserved it. I wish I would have never brought my mom to that point, and I can only imagine how she felt after the fact. I'm sorry, Mom.
The last one is especially difficult for me to say, but it needs to be done. Fast forward about 12 years later than the previous memory and I'm sitting in a bar with my mom. We were waiting to see some annual oceanic event, whether it was bioluminescent algae or a certain kind of fish run, I can't remember. We were there with other members of her class, and a random guy comes up to my mom and asks to buy her a drink....not once looking at me. I wanted to deck the guy, but I'm a scrawny 130 lbs (after a Thanksgiving feast) and this guy had some muscle I couldn't contend with. My mom's teacher steps in, tells the guy to get lost and a fight breaks out between the two guys outside of the bar. I couldn't look at her. I wanted to get out of there. In fact, it took years for me to even get past that event, not looking at my mom the same way. It wasn't my mom's fault, and she wasn't looking for that situation. We were just there to wait for that natural event to happen. I think about all the harbored feelings of anger that I placed on my mom for no reason. It wasn't her fault, and I spent time wanting to spend less time with her....this is hard to say even now. My mother, who was there during all my faults and forgave me, and I couldn't forgive her for something she didn't need to apologize for. I cannot make the time up that I stole away from my mom, leaving her in the dark as to why I would act like that towards her. I'm sorry.
A specific time when my wife held up her kids amongst the swirling waters around her.
If you have read my previous post about Cole, you will see a time that my wife was called on to be much more than a mom. She became a real life hero. Not only was she able to rush our son to the hospital, but she had to deal with 2 other children all by herself. Parker, Jaxson, and Cole may not ever remember the full details of that day, and I hope they do not; but this was one of many examples where my wife was struggling but she used every ounce of strength to make sure all 3 boys were taken care of. Sometimes she fails to see herself as a strong person, and maybe she is too tired to see it, but her strength knows no bounds when she is called to action.
Mitch Albom continues: "When you look into your mother's eyes, you know that is the purest love you can find on this earth."
"But there's a story behind everything. How a picture got on a wall. how a scar got on your face. Sometimes the stories are simple, and sometimes they are hard and heartbreaking. but behind all your stories is always your mother's story, because hers is where yours begin."
We can sit here and trace back our timelines; we can say how cool it is how we got to where we are and the paths that led us here, and how you can trace it all back to birth. Then you can track your parents' whereabouts and how they met, so on and so forth. When you really think about it though, it's amazing the paths God sets out for us and how, by his design, we reach that destination sooner or later. My personal stories are my own, but there is the upbringing I had that helped shape them. Without a loving mother or father, how different would I be? My mom, on and off, did the stay at home thing, and now that I'm a father of 3, I will let her know that I am sorry for anything I did to her when I was a child, because I now understand. She put up with a lot from us kids, and sometimes we gave her too much and had to wait until Dad got home. Not once did I ever witness her being unkind to us, loving us less, or giving up. She powered through our tantrums, obstinate mindsets, and sometimes severe unkindness. I'm sure the sleepless nights, worrisome hours, and her questioning how she could do better, weighed her down, but she never gave up. She took us to the pool on hot summer days, kissed our heads when we cried to her, and related her stories to us when growing up was too complicated.
Quoting the phrase that is all too often said, "But that's what a mother does.", I think there needs to be a breakdown of this saying. My mom didn't do these things because my dad was working and someone needed to take care of us. I mean, she did, but it was her love for us that drove her to keep doing it. To sacrifice her time away from a job, schooling, or hobbies, so that we could have a fulfilled upbringing with a mom there to guide us along the way. My mom didn't do that just because that's what a mother does. I have seen plenty of moms not stand up and be what my mom was to us. A mother's love is selfless in so many ways. I see that in my own wife as well.
I remember having a conversation with my wife about what we do when we get home. I made mention that I immediately go upstairs and change out of my work clothes into something I can lounge around the house in. She looked at me and said, "My focus is on the children and what they need right away." Now, she wasn't saying this to make me feel bad, although, let's face it, I didn't feel like dad of the year, but that's what a mother does. She doesn't focus on herself right away. She makes sure her children are taken care of, then, if there is time, focuses on herself.
Things I've witnessed my mom do because she loves us.
My mom would bring us to the library when we were kids and I would check out either Garfield comic books, sketching books, snake books, or books on how to make crafts. When we would get home, sometimes she would sit down and help us work on some of the crafts. I remember her bringing out her sewing machine and teaching us how to make puppets out of socks, and creating pillows with fabric and filling.
Things I've witnessed my wife do because she loves our kids.
My wife is an avid reader. I'm pretty jealous of that actually, because I want to be, but I have ADHD when it comes to my hobbies. I'll tinker here and there on an art project, song on guitar, watch movies, or bike. My wife seems to keep it simple, maybe because with 4 boys in the house, she needs to have some sense of stability in her personal time. Anyways, she has always loved buying books and reading to the boys. It's incredible to watch her and the boys get lost in a book together.
"I also believe that parents, if they love you, will hold you up safely, above their swirling waters, and sometimes that means you'll never know what they endured, and you may treat them unkindly, in a way you otherwise wouldn't."
There are 3 specific moments I wish I could take back from my childhood. As a child, you don't fully understand the things that a parent is going through, I mean, if you are oblivious to it, maybe your parents are doing a great job protecting you from that situation. The first specific moment I wish I could take back was when my Dad was working multiple jobs and possibly attending college (I think I am right on that.) and I can't fully remember the conversation, but my mom had replied that I should wait until my Dad gets home to do something with him, and my immediate, snarky, reply was, "Yeah, if he's ever around." This memory has always plagued me. My Dad was doing all he could to provide for us, and in my simple mind, I thought of him as someone who just wasn't around. I'm sorry, Dad.
The second thing I wish I could take back was one time I was sent to my room. I was a little bit older than the previous memory, and I was so angry at my mom and I said some really disrespectful things to the point that my mom slapped me across the face. Now, before the internet blows up and calls for my mother's head. I deserved it. I 100% deserved it. I wish I would have never brought my mom to that point, and I can only imagine how she felt after the fact. I'm sorry, Mom.
The last one is especially difficult for me to say, but it needs to be done. Fast forward about 12 years later than the previous memory and I'm sitting in a bar with my mom. We were waiting to see some annual oceanic event, whether it was bioluminescent algae or a certain kind of fish run, I can't remember. We were there with other members of her class, and a random guy comes up to my mom and asks to buy her a drink....not once looking at me. I wanted to deck the guy, but I'm a scrawny 130 lbs (after a Thanksgiving feast) and this guy had some muscle I couldn't contend with. My mom's teacher steps in, tells the guy to get lost and a fight breaks out between the two guys outside of the bar. I couldn't look at her. I wanted to get out of there. In fact, it took years for me to even get past that event, not looking at my mom the same way. It wasn't my mom's fault, and she wasn't looking for that situation. We were just there to wait for that natural event to happen. I think about all the harbored feelings of anger that I placed on my mom for no reason. It wasn't her fault, and I spent time wanting to spend less time with her....this is hard to say even now. My mother, who was there during all my faults and forgave me, and I couldn't forgive her for something she didn't need to apologize for. I cannot make the time up that I stole away from my mom, leaving her in the dark as to why I would act like that towards her. I'm sorry.
A specific time when my wife held up her kids amongst the swirling waters around her.
If you have read my previous post about Cole, you will see a time that my wife was called on to be much more than a mom. She became a real life hero. Not only was she able to rush our son to the hospital, but she had to deal with 2 other children all by herself. Parker, Jaxson, and Cole may not ever remember the full details of that day, and I hope they do not; but this was one of many examples where my wife was struggling but she used every ounce of strength to make sure all 3 boys were taken care of. Sometimes she fails to see herself as a strong person, and maybe she is too tired to see it, but her strength knows no bounds when she is called to action.
Mitch Albom continues: "When you look into your mother's eyes, you know that is the purest love you can find on this earth."
This is a beautiful sentiment. I believe that the purest love you can find is the one Jesus had for us, but a mother's love ranks up there. I lose count how many times sacrifices were made by my mom and even by my wife, just so their kids can have an hour or longer of happiness. I don't get to see my mom often, but when I speak on the phone to her, see her in person, or get cards, I can see the love. No matter how tired she is, she still makes time for her kids, and she often tells us how much we mean to her.
My wife has, time and time again, shown such incredible love to her kids, and to me. We truly are a lucky bunch of misfits that are held in the warmth of the love of my wife/their mother.
"I hope you never hear those words. your mom. she died. They are different than any other words. They are too big to fit in your ears. They belong to some strange, heavy, powerful language that pounds away at the side of your head, a wrecking ball coming at you again and again, until finally, the words crack a hole large enough to fit inside your brain. And in so doing, they split you apart."
"You can go your whole life collecting days, and none will outweigh the one you wish you had back."
What can I do to say, "Thank you"? I guess I can make my mom proud by being the best that I can be. Maybe that's the best way to say thanks - to show her that all that time spent wasn't a waste. I can tell you right now, I wish I could spend more one on one time with her on her hikes, or over dinner. It's not easy being so far while she goes through life with her joys and struggles and not being there to celebrate or listen in person. I guess you could chalk that one up in the category of "days I wish I could have with my mom". I try not live a life looking in the past too often, or weighing myself down with "what ifs", but sometimes it's okay to feel the way I do, because it keeps things in perspective. It makes me realize I still need and love my mom, which is a great realization.
Sometimes I let my mind wander to the inevitability of death. I have told my wife on multiple occasions that I dread the day that my mom or dad have passed away. I know I will see both in heaven, but their presence on earth will be sorely missed. I even allow my mind to wander to my wife's passing. I pray that the Lord gives her a long, long, long, long life, but only God knows her time of grace, and I cannot thank him enough for the person she is for the boys. They have a strong, loving, Christian woman in their lives that they can respect as they grow older. Every day the boys have with their mom is truly a gift from God.
Mitch Albom's book really puts things into perspective when it comes to time, and how the relationship you have/had with your mother has many layers to it, and the more you dig, the more the buried treasures show themselves. When you are celebrating Mother's Day, I hope you have a mother that you can share your appreciation with and can hug. If not, bask in the good memories, and don't let them go. Share your mom's story with others because, sometimes, we need to feel the loving warmth of things that mothers do.
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