This is going to be one of those posts that doesn't really have any theme to it. I'm basically going to just ramble and whoever cares to read it, super. If no one does, it's therapy for me either way.
Adjustments have been pretty hard to swallow since my wife being let go of her job. My 4 year old son calls at-home-days boring now since we can't afford to go out and do stuff that costs money. I guess the library, and Sea World (we get in free) get old after our weekly visits. I feel bad for my wife because she is 8 months pregnant and being on her feet all day just isn't something she can comfortably do. We spend our days at home and try to cope with the 100+ degree heat/humidity.
When things get tough for me, I find that I revert back to things I enjoyed as a child. It varies each time, but it mostly switches back and forth from riding bikes, collecting Pokemon cards, reading Calvin and Hobbes, and Drawing. I gotta find a way to work playing the guitar back into the mix. This summer I did something different and my wife and I read the whole series of Harry Potter. It was weird being back into books since I haven't read for fun in about 8 or 9 years. (That is, besides reading Calvin and Hobbes.)
The position I am in now, is not new to me, maybe as an adult but as a child, we kinda had the same lifestyle. I remember in one of the houses we lived in, whenever you opened the pantry door, there was Philippians 4:12 hanging on the inside. It reads, "I know what it is to be in need, and I know what it is to have plenty. I have learned the secret of being content in any and every situation, whether well fed or hungry, whether living in plenty or in want."
It's one thing to learn the secret of being content and then going and living with that contentedness, especially during hard times where you feel like you are coming up short when it comes to your children's expectations. I wish I could give them everything, but we make do with building tents, watching movies, and teaching the oldest how to skate or ride a bike. It helps me remember the fun times of my childhood. The amazing thing about being a kid and living according to Philippians 4:12 is that my parents did a pretty good job of keeping us entertained...I mean, I did have 2 other brothers and a sister to play with. Now that I am where my parents used to be, I have a deeper appreciation for all that they did for us.
As I stated before, I find myself getting lost in innocence. Going to my happy place, if you will. This last Sunday, I become overly stressed with my job and financial situation, so I went away in my mind. Where did I go? I found myself looking down at my arm, I have my Columbia jacket on and there are fat snowflakes falling on my arm. It sounds like really muffled rain at the rate the snow is falling. I am warm in the jacket, but my nose and cheeks are being kissed by the cold air. I can hear 4 students playing in the distance on the swings, but even their sound is muffled by the quietness that only a snowy winter day brings.
For some reason Christmas keeps popping up in my getaways. I long to be in the cold, driving at night, looking at Christmas lights. I want the smell of a Christmas tree, hot chocolate, and a really comfortable sweater. I want to be watching Christmas movies or movies that have the winter holidays in them. I don't know why I have such a strong feeling of being roped into that specific time of year, other than the obvious joys that come about during the holiday seasons.
Once I snapped out of the winter escape, I looked at my surroundings. It was during communion at church and I was sitting back down in the pew. I looked at the elderly members. I tried picturing each one as a younger child of their current self. Some were easy to recreate, others, not so much. When they would sit in the pew I would place their younger self next to them. Their younger self would be staring at their current self. I could picture the younger part of them asking so many questions as to why they chose this of all places. What would the older person tell that child. Would they warn their self about some mistakes that would be made along the way, or how grand life would be for them? In 30-40 years would I picture the same thing?
Adjustments have been pretty hard to swallow since my wife being let go of her job. My 4 year old son calls at-home-days boring now since we can't afford to go out and do stuff that costs money. I guess the library, and Sea World (we get in free) get old after our weekly visits. I feel bad for my wife because she is 8 months pregnant and being on her feet all day just isn't something she can comfortably do. We spend our days at home and try to cope with the 100+ degree heat/humidity.
When things get tough for me, I find that I revert back to things I enjoyed as a child. It varies each time, but it mostly switches back and forth from riding bikes, collecting Pokemon cards, reading Calvin and Hobbes, and Drawing. I gotta find a way to work playing the guitar back into the mix. This summer I did something different and my wife and I read the whole series of Harry Potter. It was weird being back into books since I haven't read for fun in about 8 or 9 years. (That is, besides reading Calvin and Hobbes.)
The position I am in now, is not new to me, maybe as an adult but as a child, we kinda had the same lifestyle. I remember in one of the houses we lived in, whenever you opened the pantry door, there was Philippians 4:12 hanging on the inside. It reads, "I know what it is to be in need, and I know what it is to have plenty. I have learned the secret of being content in any and every situation, whether well fed or hungry, whether living in plenty or in want."
It's one thing to learn the secret of being content and then going and living with that contentedness, especially during hard times where you feel like you are coming up short when it comes to your children's expectations. I wish I could give them everything, but we make do with building tents, watching movies, and teaching the oldest how to skate or ride a bike. It helps me remember the fun times of my childhood. The amazing thing about being a kid and living according to Philippians 4:12 is that my parents did a pretty good job of keeping us entertained...I mean, I did have 2 other brothers and a sister to play with. Now that I am where my parents used to be, I have a deeper appreciation for all that they did for us.
As I stated before, I find myself getting lost in innocence. Going to my happy place, if you will. This last Sunday, I become overly stressed with my job and financial situation, so I went away in my mind. Where did I go? I found myself looking down at my arm, I have my Columbia jacket on and there are fat snowflakes falling on my arm. It sounds like really muffled rain at the rate the snow is falling. I am warm in the jacket, but my nose and cheeks are being kissed by the cold air. I can hear 4 students playing in the distance on the swings, but even their sound is muffled by the quietness that only a snowy winter day brings.
For some reason Christmas keeps popping up in my getaways. I long to be in the cold, driving at night, looking at Christmas lights. I want the smell of a Christmas tree, hot chocolate, and a really comfortable sweater. I want to be watching Christmas movies or movies that have the winter holidays in them. I don't know why I have such a strong feeling of being roped into that specific time of year, other than the obvious joys that come about during the holiday seasons.
Once I snapped out of the winter escape, I looked at my surroundings. It was during communion at church and I was sitting back down in the pew. I looked at the elderly members. I tried picturing each one as a younger child of their current self. Some were easy to recreate, others, not so much. When they would sit in the pew I would place their younger self next to them. Their younger self would be staring at their current self. I could picture the younger part of them asking so many questions as to why they chose this of all places. What would the older person tell that child. Would they warn their self about some mistakes that would be made along the way, or how grand life would be for them? In 30-40 years would I picture the same thing?
As each day brings its different challenges and I cope with them as best as I am able to, I cannot forget where I've been, where I am at, and where I am going. I love my little escapes, but the thing about them is that they are very brief. It's been wonderful having people in my life willing to listen and constantly remind me that they will act whenever they are asked. The whole experience is humbling almost to the point of embarrassment, but if this is the contentment that God wants me to have, then I will live with it. I've got some stuff to work out, some on my own, some with the help of others. It's tough, I'm very tired and worn, and I continually pray that we make it out with as little hurt as possible.
I think we all wish our situation would be a little bit better, it's okay to want better for yourself, I just didn't think I'd be at this point. We left Wisconsin based on promises which were kept, and then dropped. There are days of tears, frustrations, and not knowing what is up or down, but with those days there will be laughter, there will be friendship and family, and, most of all, there will be love.
Here's to more days with a cup overflowing with blessings, and being content in every situation.
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