Non-confrontational is a hyphenated word that best describes me. I don't like to pick fights, I like to take the wait and see approach. Lately I've had a lot of people expressing their opinions of doubt or blindly questioning what I've been doing because of something someone said or because it isn't how things used to be done. I've been rolling with the punches, but even a well trained boxer gets hit every once and a while. As a true Watson, I usually store the anger deep inside of me. I let the person talk for however long and then I just say, "okay" and walk away. I store it, and eventually, it builds within me. I think of how I should've responded, I come up with a conversation between me and that person where I confront them in a tactful, professional way, and then I get angry at myself for not speaking up. A friend recently told me that sometimes you have to speak up for yourself and what you believe because it has more of an impact than if you were to bottle it up and have a conversation about it later. How true is that. But when do you say something? In my line of work, you have to learn to pick your battles, otherwise you will be fighting with a lot of people about things that don't even need to be fought about.
As I bottle things up, I start thinking about the people who say these things. They may not know what kind of impact that has on me, so I need to say something. During this waiting and see approach, the respect I have for that person starts to dwindle. I start closing up more and, in turn, can't feel as though I can talk to anyone because I feel they will start finding something about me to complain about. I have to remind myself that sometimes, if something is worth fighting for, you should stick up for it immediately instead of letting that person or people start tearing it down. I need to say what I need to say and stand behind it. This is exactly what John Mayer talks about in his song "Say".
Take all of your wasted honor
Every little past frustration
Take all of your so-called problems,
Better put 'em in quotations
This first verse goes back to the fact that I bottle up all the frustrations, problems, and disrespect I get. What I need to do is stand up for myself. I need to put my big boy pants on, stand my ground, and defend myself. When I say this, reader, keep in mind that I am not talking about defending myself even if I know I am wrong, I don't need to make excuses for myself, I need to defend the truth.
Walking like a one man army
Fighting with the shadows in your head
Living out the same old moment
Knowing you'd be better off instead,
If you could only . . .
This verse represents the part of me that replays the moment of attack. I realize what should've been done but it's too late. I am stuck in that moment where I let someone get the best of me. The thing is, I am not a coward. Most of the time I don't speak up for myself because I either I don't want to keep talking about it; the other person will be relentless; or because I feel like the subject is a waste of time. I don't think I am better than anyone else, I just don't want to start the blame game, or make excuses. In the moment of confrontation, adrenaline runs high and most of the time people fly off the cuff. This is not the person I want to be when arguing, so I do what this verse says, I live out that old moment wishing I could've said what I needed to say.
Have no fear for giving in
Have no fear for giving over
You'd better know that in the end
Its better to say too much
Then never say what you need to say again
Even if your hands are shaking
And your faith is broken
Even as the eyes are closing
Do it with a heart wide open
This year my focus is fighting for what I truly believe in. I feel that as long as I let people tear down my walls, they are going to continue to trample on me and I won't be able to recover. I need to relinquish that fear of what others think about me, and start building a name for myself. Not a name that goes by bully or egotistical, but a name that goes by defender of the truth, defender of self-preservation. No matter how afraid I feel at the time, I need to open my heart to the situation and let my words guide me.
Watch out world, there is a new person coming forward. A person who is not afraid to stick up for himself. There will be a person who will not be trampled, who will hold truth on his side. I will not bring excuses but show progress. I will say what I need to say, when I need to defend myself, my Lord, my family, and my calling in life.
I hope you follow me, reader, if you are in the same boat as me. Don't defend for things that are meaningless. Defend noble causes, and defend the truth no matter how far it takes you. Say what you need to say.
"Say" by John Mayer
As I bottle things up, I start thinking about the people who say these things. They may not know what kind of impact that has on me, so I need to say something. During this waiting and see approach, the respect I have for that person starts to dwindle. I start closing up more and, in turn, can't feel as though I can talk to anyone because I feel they will start finding something about me to complain about. I have to remind myself that sometimes, if something is worth fighting for, you should stick up for it immediately instead of letting that person or people start tearing it down. I need to say what I need to say and stand behind it. This is exactly what John Mayer talks about in his song "Say".
Take all of your wasted honor
Every little past frustration
Take all of your so-called problems,
Better put 'em in quotations
This first verse goes back to the fact that I bottle up all the frustrations, problems, and disrespect I get. What I need to do is stand up for myself. I need to put my big boy pants on, stand my ground, and defend myself. When I say this, reader, keep in mind that I am not talking about defending myself even if I know I am wrong, I don't need to make excuses for myself, I need to defend the truth.
Walking like a one man army
Fighting with the shadows in your head
Living out the same old moment
Knowing you'd be better off instead,
If you could only . . .
This verse represents the part of me that replays the moment of attack. I realize what should've been done but it's too late. I am stuck in that moment where I let someone get the best of me. The thing is, I am not a coward. Most of the time I don't speak up for myself because I either I don't want to keep talking about it; the other person will be relentless; or because I feel like the subject is a waste of time. I don't think I am better than anyone else, I just don't want to start the blame game, or make excuses. In the moment of confrontation, adrenaline runs high and most of the time people fly off the cuff. This is not the person I want to be when arguing, so I do what this verse says, I live out that old moment wishing I could've said what I needed to say.
Have no fear for giving in
Have no fear for giving over
You'd better know that in the end
Its better to say too much
Then never say what you need to say again
Even if your hands are shaking
And your faith is broken
Even as the eyes are closing
Do it with a heart wide open
This year my focus is fighting for what I truly believe in. I feel that as long as I let people tear down my walls, they are going to continue to trample on me and I won't be able to recover. I need to relinquish that fear of what others think about me, and start building a name for myself. Not a name that goes by bully or egotistical, but a name that goes by defender of the truth, defender of self-preservation. No matter how afraid I feel at the time, I need to open my heart to the situation and let my words guide me.
Watch out world, there is a new person coming forward. A person who is not afraid to stick up for himself. There will be a person who will not be trampled, who will hold truth on his side. I will not bring excuses but show progress. I will say what I need to say, when I need to defend myself, my Lord, my family, and my calling in life.
I hope you follow me, reader, if you are in the same boat as me. Don't defend for things that are meaningless. Defend noble causes, and defend the truth no matter how far it takes you. Say what you need to say.
"Say" by John Mayer
There are two kinds of "Watson": the kind who has no governor, and the kind, as you say, who lets things build up. This latter version, it has been my experience, is more diplomatic. I think you called it "choosing one's battles." The former version of "the Watson" thinks everything requires a war. You may have found a way through music, as have certain "Watsons" to compromise, or mediate the two versions.
ReplyDeleteAs far as defending oneself goes, it seems to me, that each of us determine what is right and what is wrong. For instance, one man's trivia is another man's essence. The business major may wonder what the use value of literature is: what is its profit? For him, materialistically, it is "trivial." If he stops the conversation because he thinks its trivial, stops listening, what is he saying about what you do, who you are?
Nothing is trivial, in other words. There is a caveate, of course, "nothing is trivial so long as we learn from it." And we all have room to learn. Saint Augustine in The Confessions did not write his confessions for God (for God knows all). He wrote them to and for the love of man, beleiving man begins in love, in God. If man would listen, beyond ideas of constant constructions of "power", he would see who he "still is": a creation made from and in love. "Otherwise" Augustine goes on to confess, "What would he learn."
Strangely, even an Atheist, if he listens, learns something from this. Albert Camus, a devout atheist whose dissertation was an analysis of Augustine, learned enough from him to say: "I will speak my peace ... So that the suffering of man be lessened." It, in my estimation, is not simply right to "say what you need to say" but a moral obligation to say it: to show others that each of us contain and are in fact bodies of knowledge. To give that knowledge is an act of love. As Mother Theresa once said: "You will be persecuted for doing good. Do good anyway."