"Depression is something that makes you lose your sight." - Michael Schenker
Tonight I am going to focus on something I don't really like to bring up, or for that fact, tell many people. What better way to get this all out at once, than to do it on the internet. We all go through our rough patches in life, the difference between Christians and Nonbelievers is the hope that gets them out of that rough patch. I, unfortunately, lost sight of that hope for a little bit.
The background story, before I tell you about how I dealt with depression, goes back to the end of my junior year.Thinking back, I get these short bursts of clips that started it all. The first, due to disapproval, I had to break up with my, at the time, girlfriend; I had found out that my best friend was moving to another college (one of the few times I actually cried); my road trip back home had to be cancelled because my car broke down and needed a new transmission; knowing what awaited at MLC my senior year, I knew that it'd be the last year I'd be with some of my friends before they graduated; without some of my friends at MLC, whether it was distance or student teaching, it felt as though life for others was going on without me. I stated before, these are clips, at the time, these clips were one after another, I was struggling for good news, for something to make me happy. After 6 months of waiting, it did eventually come.
I remember, though, the beginning of my senior year of college. This was the point where I was the lowest. I had been beaten down by bad news that would not stop escalating. Classes were starting and nothing could make me smile, I felt no reason to get out of bed in the morning. I ended up isolating myself from others because I couldn't stand the, "What's wrong?" questions. How do you answer that without bringing their moods down? You couldn't, so I didn't bother. Don't get me wrong, I appreciated the care and consideration, even if my outside appearance said otherwise. When I would isolate myself, I always had my mp3 player on the same song, consistently looping. You see, reader, if it didn't loop, I don't think I could've made it through the days. This song helped me say, "Let in love, even the littlest bit could help." This song couldn't have been introduced to me any sooner. It helped me immensely. The song? "A Little's Enough" by Angels and Airwaves.
Some people may or may not like the band that I just mentioned, and the fact that a Michael Schenker quote is mixed in with a post about Angels and Airwaves may seem a little bit off, but I assure you, no matter who the band is, there is a song out there that can still reach people, and that is what this song did for me.
I informed you earlier that this song is what was playing in my ears as loud as it could everywhere I went. Whether it was to and from class, to chapel, while I ate, or whether or not I was going somewhere; I needed this song.
When all is said and done
Will we still feel pain inside?
Will the scars go away with night?
Try to smile for the morning light
It's like the best dream to have
Where every thing is not so bad
Every tear is so alone
Like God himself is coming home to say
You are probably looking at this first verse and reading the first couple of lines thinking I was suicidal. First off, no way. Secondly, just because something sounds suicidal, doesn't mean everyone is going to drink the Kool Aid. There are times when music can say things in a way that most people couldn't think of putting certain words to feelings. This was definitely true of myself. According to this verse, we are left wondering what God would say. The chorus sheds some light on this question.
I, I can do anything
If you want me here
And I can fix any thing
If you let me near
Where are those secrets now
That you're too scared to tell
I'd whisper them all aloud
So you can hear yourself
I wish I could sit here and tell you that at this dark point in my life I focused on just this part and that's what helped me. Unfortunately I cannot do just that. As I read this first verse, I do realize that, if I could've let myself really listen to this verse, I would have been reminded of the passage "I can do all things through Christ, who gives me strength." I was too blinded, reader, to even notice. Wallowed up in self-dought, feeling unwanted like a disease, I continued my 6 months alone, treading through the darkness with no light to guide my way.
Green trees were the first sign
The deepest blue, the clearest sky
The silence came with the brightest eyes
And turned water into wine
The children ran to see
The parents stood in disbelief
And those who knew braced for the ride
The earth itself then came alive to say
You must now be thinking, okay, this is what reminded him that God created everything in his power, and Jesus came down to save us from sin, death, and the devil....and depression. Once again, reader, I wish I could say this was true. In fact, I never really knew what these two verses said until I looked up the lyrics tonight. Sad, isn't it? I feel as though, the music was really bracing me for the final verse, which, besides the chorus, is the only part of the song that I knew.
I'm sorry I have to say it but you look like you're sad
Your smile is gone; I've noticed it bad
The cure is if you let in just a little more love
I promise you this, a little's enough
This, reader, is what I focused on. This was the part of the whole song that saved me. You see, I recognize myself as an optimistic, happy person. I love to laugh, and to make others do the same. This verse allowed me to get out of denial. I felt like this was someone saying, "Dude, you are depressing everyone around you. We all notice you are sad, except you won't let us help you. Where is that smile that we usually see?" Sometimes I would rewind the song to play this part over and over. This final verse told me how to cure my depression. Let in a little more love, that's all it takes. It's true. I cannot stress more that God's love is all you need to fill that void in your life. It took me 3 solid weeks of listening to this song, non-stop, to really let the message sink in. I really think it's funny, looking back, that I out of all the times I listened to this song, I never noticed the whole message. I bet it would've sped up the process.
Once I slowly became myself again, I realized that life wasn't so bad. I had entered into some horrible times, and exited still alive. Shouldn't that be enough for happiness? It's true that recovery takes some time, and I was lucky enough to have this song to help me through these times, as well as some very patient friends.
I do not like talking about this part of my life because I was weak. As a human being, weakness is not something you go about telling people. Know the difference, reader, that I am not telling you a story about weakness, but I am telling you about overcoming obstacles. I am showing you how music helped me out. Over time, the music was replaced with friends and faith. I needed that little push in the right direction, and I held on to that source that was pushing me, with all my might. I knew that if I let go for a second, I was going to fall back into the pit that I dug for myself.
"Depression is something that makes you lose your sight." Michael Schenker spoke the truth when he said this. I want to add something in there though that will help him finish his thought. Although we lose our sight, we are blessed to have a Savior pick us up when we cannot go any farther. So even though we may temporarily lose sight, Christ holds on to us for eternity, making sure our path is leading towards our loving, and gracious Father. That is enough for me.
A Little's Enough by Angels and Airwaves
Tonight I am going to focus on something I don't really like to bring up, or for that fact, tell many people. What better way to get this all out at once, than to do it on the internet. We all go through our rough patches in life, the difference between Christians and Nonbelievers is the hope that gets them out of that rough patch. I, unfortunately, lost sight of that hope for a little bit.
The background story, before I tell you about how I dealt with depression, goes back to the end of my junior year.Thinking back, I get these short bursts of clips that started it all. The first, due to disapproval, I had to break up with my, at the time, girlfriend; I had found out that my best friend was moving to another college (one of the few times I actually cried); my road trip back home had to be cancelled because my car broke down and needed a new transmission; knowing what awaited at MLC my senior year, I knew that it'd be the last year I'd be with some of my friends before they graduated; without some of my friends at MLC, whether it was distance or student teaching, it felt as though life for others was going on without me. I stated before, these are clips, at the time, these clips were one after another, I was struggling for good news, for something to make me happy. After 6 months of waiting, it did eventually come.
I remember, though, the beginning of my senior year of college. This was the point where I was the lowest. I had been beaten down by bad news that would not stop escalating. Classes were starting and nothing could make me smile, I felt no reason to get out of bed in the morning. I ended up isolating myself from others because I couldn't stand the, "What's wrong?" questions. How do you answer that without bringing their moods down? You couldn't, so I didn't bother. Don't get me wrong, I appreciated the care and consideration, even if my outside appearance said otherwise. When I would isolate myself, I always had my mp3 player on the same song, consistently looping. You see, reader, if it didn't loop, I don't think I could've made it through the days. This song helped me say, "Let in love, even the littlest bit could help." This song couldn't have been introduced to me any sooner. It helped me immensely. The song? "A Little's Enough" by Angels and Airwaves.
Some people may or may not like the band that I just mentioned, and the fact that a Michael Schenker quote is mixed in with a post about Angels and Airwaves may seem a little bit off, but I assure you, no matter who the band is, there is a song out there that can still reach people, and that is what this song did for me.
I informed you earlier that this song is what was playing in my ears as loud as it could everywhere I went. Whether it was to and from class, to chapel, while I ate, or whether or not I was going somewhere; I needed this song.
When all is said and done
Will we still feel pain inside?
Will the scars go away with night?
Try to smile for the morning light
It's like the best dream to have
Where every thing is not so bad
Every tear is so alone
Like God himself is coming home to say
You are probably looking at this first verse and reading the first couple of lines thinking I was suicidal. First off, no way. Secondly, just because something sounds suicidal, doesn't mean everyone is going to drink the Kool Aid. There are times when music can say things in a way that most people couldn't think of putting certain words to feelings. This was definitely true of myself. According to this verse, we are left wondering what God would say. The chorus sheds some light on this question.
I, I can do anything
If you want me here
And I can fix any thing
If you let me near
Where are those secrets now
That you're too scared to tell
I'd whisper them all aloud
So you can hear yourself
I wish I could sit here and tell you that at this dark point in my life I focused on just this part and that's what helped me. Unfortunately I cannot do just that. As I read this first verse, I do realize that, if I could've let myself really listen to this verse, I would have been reminded of the passage "I can do all things through Christ, who gives me strength." I was too blinded, reader, to even notice. Wallowed up in self-dought, feeling unwanted like a disease, I continued my 6 months alone, treading through the darkness with no light to guide my way.
Green trees were the first sign
The deepest blue, the clearest sky
The silence came with the brightest eyes
And turned water into wine
The children ran to see
The parents stood in disbelief
And those who knew braced for the ride
The earth itself then came alive to say
You must now be thinking, okay, this is what reminded him that God created everything in his power, and Jesus came down to save us from sin, death, and the devil....and depression. Once again, reader, I wish I could say this was true. In fact, I never really knew what these two verses said until I looked up the lyrics tonight. Sad, isn't it? I feel as though, the music was really bracing me for the final verse, which, besides the chorus, is the only part of the song that I knew.
I'm sorry I have to say it but you look like you're sad
Your smile is gone; I've noticed it bad
The cure is if you let in just a little more love
I promise you this, a little's enough
This, reader, is what I focused on. This was the part of the whole song that saved me. You see, I recognize myself as an optimistic, happy person. I love to laugh, and to make others do the same. This verse allowed me to get out of denial. I felt like this was someone saying, "Dude, you are depressing everyone around you. We all notice you are sad, except you won't let us help you. Where is that smile that we usually see?" Sometimes I would rewind the song to play this part over and over. This final verse told me how to cure my depression. Let in a little more love, that's all it takes. It's true. I cannot stress more that God's love is all you need to fill that void in your life. It took me 3 solid weeks of listening to this song, non-stop, to really let the message sink in. I really think it's funny, looking back, that I out of all the times I listened to this song, I never noticed the whole message. I bet it would've sped up the process.
Once I slowly became myself again, I realized that life wasn't so bad. I had entered into some horrible times, and exited still alive. Shouldn't that be enough for happiness? It's true that recovery takes some time, and I was lucky enough to have this song to help me through these times, as well as some very patient friends.
I do not like talking about this part of my life because I was weak. As a human being, weakness is not something you go about telling people. Know the difference, reader, that I am not telling you a story about weakness, but I am telling you about overcoming obstacles. I am showing you how music helped me out. Over time, the music was replaced with friends and faith. I needed that little push in the right direction, and I held on to that source that was pushing me, with all my might. I knew that if I let go for a second, I was going to fall back into the pit that I dug for myself.
"Depression is something that makes you lose your sight." Michael Schenker spoke the truth when he said this. I want to add something in there though that will help him finish his thought. Although we lose our sight, we are blessed to have a Savior pick us up when we cannot go any farther. So even though we may temporarily lose sight, Christ holds on to us for eternity, making sure our path is leading towards our loving, and gracious Father. That is enough for me.
A Little's Enough by Angels and Airwaves
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